Oral sex: when, where and how

Got your attention, didn’t I? Anyway, an earlier post has evolved into a discussion on the Elmbrook curriculum that was discussed at last night’s school board meeting.

I didn’t want the rest of you to miss out on anything.


  1. El gato says:

    Some of the people who spoke at last night’s meeting were left with a bad taste in their mouth. Seems like if you want to get ahead, you’ve just got to suck it up and do what it takes to come out on top. Things get out of hand when talking about this subject, and it’s hard to get a finger on the pulse of the community. I would give the same advice to the ESB as my mother gave me at the dinner table, “Don’t talk with your mouth full!” Listen to the folks who give it to you straight!

  2. Amen, Dan!

  3. Wow! I agree with Dan 100%! Is this the end of the world?

  4. Dan, as a Libertarian, I couldn’t agree with you more as far as the government stepping in too much. I am a big believer in a “hands-off” government approach in many cases.

    I think multiple sides of this argument are using the same points in their favor. Correct me if I’m wrong, but a consensus seems to be that it is the parents’ responsibility to teach their kids about oral sex, among other issues. Maybe it’s an argument saying that either parents are not doing it, so the school needs to step in, or that schools are taking this responsibility over before parents even have the chance to get a word in.

    If Dan’s reasoning had been used at the school board meeting, maybe I would not have been so frustrated. It was a lot of neo-conservatives using items such as religion, age appropriateness, and the “disgusting act” of oral sex as their arguments against this subject in middle school sex education.

    It didn’t seem like parents were saying “let ME teach them” so much as “this is a blatantly inappropriate topic.” Unfortunately, I think there is still a lot of denial in Brookfield, and parents want someone to blame when other kids are exposing their own children to high risk behavior.

    While “passer-by” students should talk to their parents if exposed to this… how many kids would really run to mom and dad about what two kids were doing in the bathroom? My mom is one of my best friends, but I think talking sex can still be incredibly awkward in families, and parents won’t always be giving their kids accurate information.

    Let us not forget, what about those two kids engaged in oral sex in the first place? If not their parents, who is going to teach THEM? Do we just let them slip through the cracks if they don’t have that parental support?

    I guess my approach is to focus on what we can change.

  5. Why are we assuming the kids involved in the oral sex had NOT already been taught about it? Perhaps they were engaging in it because they WERE.

  6. Touche, madame. A successful debate relies upon properly defining the argument. I think you’ve done that well this morning.

  7. Cheri M. says:

    I agree on focusing on what we can change. Like a single drop in a pool, the ripple effect is much larger.

    On the brink of turning 7, as we were in the process of having a beautiful First Communion portrait taken, two teens came into that photo studio without appointment to have a topless photo taken of themselves hugging eachother. These photos were previewed on the computer-like monitors in front of my daughter. Since they’d suddenly and without warning put this out there in front of her, *I* wasn’t going to cringe in embarrassement and hide, but rather chose to talk to my daugther on the spot, in front of photos, teens, staff and all: I see they did not come with a parent to have their photo taken. And I see that they are not married. Some day when they break up I think the girl will feel this was a bad decision, because her boyfriend is dressed like we see at the swimming pool, but she has no top on and girls’ tops are usually covered.

    And when a boy came out of a fitting room stall to use the large three-way-mirror in the common area of the fitting room as he “helped” his girlfriend try on her braless prom dress? I pointed to the “couple” and my daughter that this was a GIRLS fitting room, and he did not belong there. Then I told a clerk. The clerk called store security, who removed him from the store.

    Parents have to step up. We can’t pretend everything is innocent, cute, or none of our business. If it is put in front of us, and affects our child, it BECOMES our business.

    When someone e-mailed our daughter that our daughter MUST meet them in the bathroom at school, our daughter responded that she would not. When the person persisted, our daughter stated the person could tell her in e-mail or on the phone over the weekend whatever was on their mind… no need for the drama of a secret meeting. We then turned it over to school officials.

    During a slumber party my daughter hosted one girl continously barged in on other girls dressing amidst their protests, even threw her weight against the door ’til it sounded like the door would break off its hinges, I told her to stop. I informed her she’d have to leave if that continued. I told her mom the girl was always welcome, but did not appear ready to stay overnight due to the invasion of privacy of others.

    Again my point is that parents must step up when these teaching moments present themselves. If our children learn that we are sincere about PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, they will more likely be able to maintain their personal boundaries, and will turn to us when something does not seem right.

    As a very wise person once told me, “If something doesn’t seem right, it probably is not right.”

  8. Cheri, you experience with the topless girls must have been a while back. Why today you can walk down the halls of Brookfield Square or Central or East High Schools and see 90 % of what you seen at the Photographer. Things change. Teach all the morality you want but watch out when you let your son out the door and he sees 3 or 4 girls bending over at there school lockers reveling other 10 % he didn’t see with them in his face. I wouldn’t worry. ” Its only a Style” Makes you wonder if home schooling is any good. No free shows. And then again it might be the only way to go. At least you can control the video screen, most of the time.

  9. Cheri M. says:

    There is a great book parents may want to share with their daughters, as I have with mine. It’s called SECRET KEEPER By Dannah Gresh:
    ”Why can’t I wear what everyone else is wearing?” The practice of modesty is an intriguing and untapped power source. A must-read for girls and their moms. 78 pages.
    It’s intended for tweens & teens, 10-14.

    I have a larger problem with the parents who come to school with their cleavage showing. It seems that the adults should WANT to follow the same school dress code the children do, to be good role models.

    If the adults are acting without regard to their impact on students, the kids pick up on this and mirror that behavior in their interactions with others.

    We’re all human, none of us perfect, bu the point is to TRY. To set the standard high and maintain it.

  10. I agree with you Cheri, you do your best and then turn the heirs to your estate loose to a higher level of education like college. Time to see how good you did. It can get tough at times, like where in all the world did you learn that, not in our house. Interesting on how no matter old our kids get you never stop raising them.

  11. I think Casey needs to go to Wikipedia an look up what the definition of “neoconservatism” is. I think she was using it to demean conserned and perhaps religious parents but it’s a misapplication of the term.

  12. Oops! I mispelled “concerned”.

  13. I love puns and plays on words so I had a bit of fun to get the ball rolling. I’ve noticed that no one used the words “cunnilingus” or “fellatio”. I don’t know if it’s because they’re a mouthful, or if they just prefer the more innocuous “oral sex” term. In either event, they seem to be a topic that is best discussed at home.

  14. So much for being a family blog…

    I have to keep them on, though. Heck, if 8th graders can use them, I guess we can, too.

  15. Cheri M. says:

    I would like to invite you to preview 2 DVDs. One is called “The Rules Have Changed” and the other is called “Look Before You Leap”. I would appreciate your input as to the content, information, presentation, tone, appropriateness for what grade level(s), etc. Your input would be valuable. If you are interested, you can contact me through Cindy.

    Other interested parties may also contact me through Cindy as well. Thank you.

  16. Cheri, you might explain your role for those who don’t know.

  17. Cheri M. says:

    Great tip, Kathryn, as usual. I’m a mom of a 7th grader who was concerned about the updates to the HGD classes this year, simply because I could not find the information to preview at the local public library -or- district website, as announced in the HGD Parent Information Letter we received just prior to school registration last summer.

    I’ve been home-schooling my daughter in these topics, primarily because she has asked questions much earlier than what was being taught in school. She is ahead of the curve and this raises no red flags with us because she is ahead of the curve in everything in equal measure. Because of her curious and inquestive nature, we’ve been collecting resources… not just HGD but every different interest.

    So when the HGD committee formed, I joined it. Through this experience I’ve received lots of input from many people… and learned of some more great new resource materials. Don’t know if they’ll be seen in the classroom… but I think anyone can weigh in, who’d like to.