The apple and the tree

As in “doesn’t fall far from…” Here’s the youngest’s effort with a satirical writing assignment. Before you double over from twisted undies, please remember, satire is intended to be humorous. That it holds a grain or two of truth is a little bitty bonus.

The Rowdy Referendum

Recently in Brookfield, WI, auto shops have been filled to past their capacity, fixing cars both in accidents and with extreme damage from potholes and rough terrain. The accidents are mainly due to the huge distraction on Lily Road, a giant barren area of construction. As for the rough terrain, Brookfield may seem the most unlikely candidate to have ground rough enough to tear apart cars. This environment does exist, however, at Brookfield East High School.

In April of 2008, the Elmbrook School District held a vote for a high school referendum. The proposal included tons of construction and complete renovations to both high schools of the district: Brookfield East and Brookfield Central. To many cheers and groans, the referendum passed, and plans to tear down the school facilities for some purpose still unknown, began.

A glance at the blue prints lead many to believe that the schools were being torn down and replaced with glorious office buildings. Curious questions arose about where the new high schools would be located. Most citizens and members of the school district, however, had little or no information about it; they only voted yes because it just sounded “really cool! It’s time for Brookfield to step up its game,” quoted resident Mike Schultz.

Months past, summer flew by, and signs of there being any construction were not in sight. Finally, at the start of the 2008-2009 school year, destruction began. Brookfield East’s south parking lot was flooded with trucks, bulldozers, and lifting cranes. Room 140, a room on the side of the building by the south lot, was knocked down. Students no longer had a place to have study hall. Most students resorted to sitting on the rubble as their place of study because they had nowhere to go. This pile of scraps led to another and to another, soon creating an atmosphere of just rocks.

As construction continued and damage and debris grew, dust was said to have flown about everywhere, causing some cases of blindness due to the harmful particles irritating peoples’ eyes. Bones have been broken as students tripped over boulders while they entered their detour path into the building. Students on crutches, due to their injury, generally fell over again, breaking their other leg, putting them in wheelchairs.

Half of the staff and students at Brookfield East walk around crippled; in some situations they are partially deaf because of the noise coming from maneuvers from the construction equipment. Matt Gibson, the head of the Elmbrook School District, finds pure pleasure in these health complaints. “I’m so excited for things to get worse! The final result, I mean, if we ever get it done, will surely be brilliant,” he said.

The construction plays a major role in switching around locations of classrooms, and especially summer activities of 2009. There will be no gym for sports, no cafeteria for the Spartanettes, and the risk of blindness if running on the track outside. Recent relocation proves impossible since there are not enough open gym facilities in Brookfield. Consequently, many practices are either nonexistent or go on for several hours each time they are actually able to practice. Teams try to use as much of their available time in a building as possible.

“Pivot classrooms” will be in use for the 2009-2010 school year. These are classrooms that will be used as substitute rooms while renovations occur. Next year, students will wander around aimlessly, wondering just exactly where they should be located for class.

Brookfield’s only concern at this point is that the referendum will build two new high schools before all its staff and students go missing or end up in the hospital. The staff of The Spartan Banter would like to wish you the best of luck, Matt Gibson.

As a disclosure, the Spartanettes (you know, that second-rate sport with girls that have managed to win the right to compete at the state level for the last three years) have been relegated to alternate practice facilities for the summer with limited days and longer times. It appears at least one member isn’t tickled about that change in front of her Senior year.