You want me to wear what?

As noted before, I’m to accompany the spouse on a thrilling trip to Indianapolis, Indiana later this month. This means I’m expected to own clothes beyond two sets of blue jeans, three stretched out t-shirts, and a hoodie.

I don’t do clothes. It’s even, though, because clothes rarely fit me. Shopping is a miserable experience. (Ok, I made it a little better by stopping by Williams-Sonoma and picking up parchment paper and this awesome bakeware set.)

Some of this mornings stumbling blocks:

Qiana (or quiana) knits. Yards and yards of polyester. Sticky, hot, cling-in-all-the-wrong-places shiny fake fabric. In patterns that will need sunglasses. Did I mention the raw-edged hems?

Empire waistlines. All the cool people say Om-pier, though some still say em-pire. Or baby doll. Or didn’t I wear that when I was eight months pregnant?

Cropped pants that hit the top of my foot. I do not have legs into my armpits. Can someone please make pants for me?

Sleeveless everything. Really, you don’t want to see what most American women will put into a sleeveless top. What’s-her-name may be making a statement with her chiseled biceps, but the rest of us are lining up in the flying-squirrel aisle. Besides, two of the blouses I tried today had armholes cut to the navel. Explain that?

There were a couple of great finds. A white linen pin-tucked poet’s blouse that I may never take off. Two knit tops, one in black and one in bright blue, for $15 each. Thank goodness for the classic cuts that you can still find on the back rack. And cute tailored vests are back! Which means I get to dig to the back of my closet for that one I bought in 1988…


  1. Anonymous says:

    I live your pain! Check out QVC. they have some cute things that do not look idiotic!

  2. Santa's Elf says:

    So when exactly did Moo Moos go out of style? Either that or have hubby wear a towel on his head so you can do a burka.

    Hey, Indie is worth the sacrifice!

  3. I used to have an English teacher in high school joke about going to Omar the tent maker for a couple of new dresses every year.

    I so get it.

  4. The Lorax says:

    Just when you think the whole world’s gone to the hole, Santa’s Elf shows his face yet again. Hi Mr. Elf! Long time, no tinker.

    And not all advice is good advice. Avoid QVC like the plague.

  5. Wilson828 says:

    Before Sears bought and ruined Landsend I bought my dress shirts and other things from them.

    I don’t buy from them any more.

    In the past 2 years I have discovered Jos A Banks. I order from them. I internet order from them all the time. They have real sales. Like their buy 1 get 2 free sale they had yesterday. The Jewel used to have real sales. So did Marshall Fields. And the quality didn’t suffer with sale items.

    Anyway .. you need to find someone who’s clothing meets a quality standard that you are satisfied with, find your size and then stick with them.

    I cannot tell you how thoroughly satisfied I am not having to go to a store stand in lines, park and put up with the general shopping bs.

    The UPS guy comes with my clothing …. I open it .. hang it up….. bam! I’m done!

    Find an online store … shop there. Enjoy it.

  6. Alas, no Jos. A. Banks for women.

    You’ve described exactly how the spouse does his shopping from the same store. I wonder if you have matching outfits?

  7. For years I wore Talbots, and the Liz Claiborne brand. Now I prefer Ralph Lauren. I have also found the occasional cute thing at C J Banks.

    I like Wilson’s advice: … find someone who’s clothing meets a quality standard that you are satisfied with, find your size and then stick with them. (more or less)

  8. Wilson828 says:

    I’m not surprised that your husband buys from Jos A Banks.

    We’re all about the same age – so I bet we look alike.

    Guys our age think alike too. It’s sorta a code of guys thing.

    And we wonder why our wives look so old when we don’t. What happened to our wives?

  9. That’s called baiting, and I’m not gonna bite.

  10. Wilson828 says:

    LOL…. yeah I was…. oh well…. another time and another topic…… enjoy the day…….

  11. BrkfldDad says:

    JosABanks, I am so there. Traveler’s dress shirts, no ironing needed. I think I have 2 dozen in the closet. Used to also get them from Lands End, years ago, Banks is much better quality. Brooks Brothers 3-for sales are pretty good too.

  12. Now just how did this turn into a discussion on menswear?

  13. Wilson828 says:

    Okay now here’s another tip. Haggar Outlet stores in Johnson Creek and Wis Dells closed earlier this year due to the economy. Too bad. $50 casual docker style pants are to be had for like 20 bucks each. Other casual clothing. Great deals. I would stock up like twice a year. It was so cheap that it was easier and cheaper to simply throw the pants away rather than dry clean them for 10 bucks each. But I’d launder them and wear them in the yard after a while. Anyway… if you have the UPC number or get that number from something you see of theirs at JCPenney or Kohl’s… you can order it from them via 800 number…. at the Outlet pricing. No kidding. Easy. I just got a big box of pants via UPS last week. They had great socks too.. I gotta get that UPC number… sometime. Shorts for summer wear used to be like 8 bucks a pair… 8 bucks a pair. Well… now we know why the outlet stores are closed. Who can make money selling at those prices? Last year I bought 2 years worth of shorts … so I’m set this season. Beats paying 35 or 40 bucks for the same pair at Kohl’s or elsewhere.

    I have tried to buy shoes mail order … can’t get the right size… I’ve given up and simply suck up the prices at Allen Edmonds and that’s that.

    Beautiful weather this weekend in Door County.

  14. BrkfldDad says:

    It’s a drive-by blogjacking by the men. LOL

    W828 – have you tried Zappos? Great selection, but you won’t pay low price. Shipping (on returns too) is free though.