I answer Occupy Wall Street’s 13 demands

Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending “Freetrade” by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.

(This is funny given Obama refuses to sign trade agreements. How interesting they’ve gone isolationist. I’ve always been a bit of one myself…)

Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors.

(That’s right. Ban private healthcare. Then we can all join hands and sing kumbaya as we are wait listed for important medical procedures. After all, that’s what they do in England and Canada.)

Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

(By goodness, I’m sure all those years of smoking dope on my parents dime have earned me the right – THE RIGHT – I say, to make as much as I need for good weed and still leave some for you to pay for my healthcare.)

Demand four: Free college education.

(Ok. We’ll give college professors a living wage of $20 an hour. I bet they will all agree. They are, after all, such liberal thinkers, and with free college, the years and money they’ve invested are basically worthless. I could do this one.)

Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

(Then get the hell off my fossil-fueled airplane. You stink, anyway. I suggest you get the sponsor to buy you a bicycle to transport you to your next protest gathering.)

Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.

(Mr. Bernanke will be ever so happy to print the dollars, and our mafia/union brethren have promised at least a tiny portion of that money will filter down to a $20 per hour job for me and my buddies. Except I can’t lift much. Oh, and loud noise hurts my ears. But I can hold the sign that says “slow” and “stop” as long as I get to listen to my iPod.)

Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America’s nuclear power plants.

(This is funnnnnny! Isn’t Obama all about clean energy from nuclear? No oil, no nuke, but we’re supposed to all go Johnny Appleseed and restore the forest. Oh, and spend a trillion dollars in infrastructure.) (Oops. Come to think of it, once they line the mafia pockets, that part is actually pretty easy.)

Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.

(Obviously they failed the constitutional thinking part of their high-school government class.)

Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

(As explained in an earlier comment, done. Except you can’t use an airplane or a gas powered car to get between places, so you know, good luck with that.)

Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.

(Hey, I say give everyone a freaking purple thumb. Sooooo works for me. Both sides swear they’re getting screwed on this one. While they are at it, don’t other countries demand a photo ID to vote?)

Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

(Debt forgiveness for all! Good grief have I been stupid to be debt free for a dozen years. How dare I live within my means. I mean, really! Forgive the world’s debt and start WWIII. Watch it happen. Muslims in general, do not borrow. They aren’t going to take kindly to their new lack of standing.)

Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

(Fine. I never need credit anyway. You, on the other hand, are going to be completely screwed if they ever really come up with an iPhone 5. Pay for that one out of pocket. OK?)

Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.

(Yes, and allow that same worker the right to tell the union to take a hike with equal ease. Bet that works. Yes I do.)

These demands will create so many jobs it will be completely impossible to fill them without an open borders policy.

I know I was flippant, but honestly? There are a thousand holes in these ideas. Thanks to Ryan for bringing them up. You guys keep going. I’m a little busy this week, but there’s plenty to work from here.

Comments

  1. There’s a lot of asinine ideas (maybe not the right word…. none of this is really thought out, which is what “idea” would normally imply… it is all emoting) in there, but perhaps the dumbest of all is the bit about decommissioning all nuclear power plants.

    Nuclear energy represents about 20% of our power. And in many parts of the country, there are already brownouts and energy shortages.

    Without nuclear power, a lot of these hippies would probably be disappointed to find out that the new iPhones they purchased with their living wage money for doing absolutely nothing would not be able to recharge.

  2. “Admin note: This is not an official list of demands. This is a forum post submitted by a single user and hyped by irresponsible news/commentary agencies like Fox News and Mises.org. This content was not published by the OccupyWallSt.org collective, nor was it ever proposed or agreed to on a consensus basis with the NYC General Assembly. There is NO official list of demands.”

    http://occupywallst.org/forum/proposed-list-of-demands-for-occupy-wall-st-moveme/

    You Got Punked!? 🙂

  3. Got it Milton thanks. So when one TEA party protester shows up with a Hitler/Obama sign that gets hung on the whole movement.

    When one Occupy WallSt protester posts online a list of demands it means nothing.

    Thanks for the clarification.

  4. The point is not whether the list of demands are the “official” rantings of a bunch of Occupy Wall Street loons or the unofficial handiwork of one particular Occupy Wall Street loon. The point is that someone associated this movement posted this not as a satirical joke. They were actually serious. And then, if you read the comments, the other leftists were offering constructive criticism, saying which demands to keep as is and which to change. As I said before, the breathtaking stupidity of this is jarring.

    My favorite part of the comments was when a small businessman raised the serious objection that if you raised the minimum wage to a living wage, his business wouldn’t be able to survive, leading to he and all of his employees joining the ranks of the unemployed. Here was the reply he received:

    “So you can only make a go of it paying slave wages? You have no problem with the taxpayer paying for their food stamps it would appear. Go out of business you exploitive piece of shit.

    Small businessmen just dream of being big businessmen and disingenously try to distinguish themselves. Your capital should be seized and given to your employees. Perhaps they can start a co-op doing the same tasks they were doing realizing the profit for themselves.”

    And these are the people who claim to have a monopoly on compassion. 🙁

  5. J. Strupp says:

    Who cares either way Ryan? Refuting these idiots is easy. Because they’re idiots.

    Knocking over arguments that we should raise the minimum wage to $20/hr and eliminate all nuke plants is simple. Why waste your time?

  6. Milton, Punked? I don’t think so. The group is doing some cya, that’s all. I’m perfectly comfortable with laughing myself silly over his demands.

    Excellent observation, Fred. 🙂

  7. What’s ironic is how many of them use Apple products. Apple is one of the “big bad corporations” who is asking for a tax cut to repatriate the money they have stuck overseas. It’s odd how they don’t want to give 35% of it to the US Government, isn’t it?

    The (sadly) late Steve Jobs, though he outwardly supported Obama, would never have been able to get his company going if even 3 or 4 of these 13 “demands” had been in place back in 1977.

    I might cash in my op-ed, Cindy, if your recall pool offer is still open. There’s been so much over the past month, from Occupy Wall Street, to Herman Cain, Fast and Furious, just to name a few. I’ll pick something.

  8. KPOM – Send it on! The offer still stands.